I recently saw an interview Al Roker had done with Betty White. During the interview Al asked
Betty what her secret was for the best relationships, either personal or professional. Her answer
was simple – kindness. She followed up by saying, “don’t say the hurtful things even if you are
irritable or upset, because that sticks around.”


Each year, I like to find an idea or concept to focus on at CPS. After hearing Betty White’s
kindness comment, I knew kindness needed to be our theme for 2022. Hearing you have cancer
is difficult and scary. At CPS, we recognize the different feelings our clients and family members
might be having. One constant is that we can approach everyone with kindness. A client might
be angry that they received a cancer diagnosis. We treat them with kindness. A caregiver is
worried about their loved one. We treat them with kindness. A client is scared. We treat them
with kindness. It really is our universal reaction to all their different emotional states. I am often
amazed at the transformation that comes from a kind response. The angry soften. The worried
feel a little calmer. And the scared let go of some of their fear.


Cancer Patient Services cannot provide a cure for cancer. If we could, we certainly would. But
while we wait for a cure, we will provide kindness during some of the darkest times of people’s
lives.


“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an
honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life
around. “ Leo Buscagli

​

-CEO, Carol Metzger

​I was talking to a new friend the other day.  And as it often does, my husband’s cancer journey came up.  And as it usually does, they tell me how sorry they are. And while it was a difficult situation that I wish no one would ever have to experience, I have tried to find something positive in the situation. Because of my husband, I found Cancer Patient Services.  I would not be working for CPS, if it had not been for his cancer diagnosis. And I am so grateful to be a part of the work we do with Hancock County cancer patients.

Often the conversation then moves on to what CPS is and what do we do.  But this individual is a cancer survivor himself, and he had a different perspective.  He said that I had received hidden blessings. Not a comment I had ever heard before. He then shared a song by Laura Story called “Blessings”.  I have included a link to the song below.

The chorus of this song really spoke to me when I listened to it for the first time:

‘Cause what if your blessings came through raindrops

What if your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what is takes to know you’re near

What if the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise.
I know that many people are struggling during this pandemic; experiencing financial difficulties, social distancing has kept us from friends and family and the uncertainty of when things will return to “normal”.  But I also know there have been hidden blessings during this time as well.  I know personally, I have experienced hidden blessings during this difficult time.  My college age son was sent home early from school.  As a new empty nester, I was happy to have him back home and to be able to cook for him again.  I know my time with him under my roof is coming to an end and I am grateful for the few extra months of being able to “mom” him. 

Because of COVID and the closing of the CPS office to the public, we had to change the way we deliver some of our services.  The biggest change is that we now deliver medical supplies and equipment to our clients’ homes.  We have discussed this idea in the past but could not figure out how we would be able to sustain the service.  But we found that not only could we sustain delivery services, but it was a needed service for those individuals who were experiencing a suppressed immune system or were not able to make it to our office during regular business hours.  Because we had to close our office to the public, we had to look at new ways to provide services.  Our hidden blessing is that we found a way to be able to provide home delivery services.  When things return to “normal”, we will continue to provide home delivery to our clients. A hidden blessing that has become a new service for clients.
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So as we struggle with the unknown and changes created by the Coronavirus, I encourage you to look for the hidden blessings. You may see some blessings through the raindrops.
​
P.S. We would love to hear about and celebrate the hidden blessings you have received.  Please share them with us below.

How do we learn how to swim through the ocean of grief?  I don’t know of any instruction manual, checklist or roadmap that will help with a grief journey. For those of us who have experienced grief, we know there is no “end” to grief. The grief and the loss become a part of who we are.  Grief isn’t always a bad thing.  We grieve because we cared deeply for the person we lost.  And while we would love to have that person back, grieving their loss is better than never having them in our life at all.

Here are 5 things I have learned about grief –

1. Grief doesn’t have a timeline.  Grief doesn’t have an expiration date.  We cannot calculate how long our grief will last. We don’t “get over” grief in 6 months or a year.  We will always grieve the loss of our loved one.
2. A grief journey is not a step by step process.  You don’t finish one stage of grief to move on to the next.  I ran across this Ted Talk from Nora McInerny.  With honesty and humor, she tells her own story of grief.  Why we don’t move on from our grief; we move forward with it. Here is a link to her Ted Talk
3. If your relationship with the deceased person was difficult, your grief might be more complicated.  Because of complicated grief, you might struggle for longer periods of time or have trouble returning to your daily life activities.  If this sounds like you, you may consider talking to licensed mental health professional. If your loved one was a client of CPS, you can work with one of our mental health partners.  Contact us at 419-423-0286 to find out more information on our emotional support services.
4. You can talk about your loved one.  Don’t feel guilty if you want to share memories or stories about them. “We talk about them not because we’re stuck or because we haven’t moved on, but we talk about them because we are theirs, and they are ours, and no passage of time will ever change that.”  - Shivi Jasrotia.  You may have friends or family that feel awkward or uncomfortable around you because of your grief.  You are not responsible for others’ feelings.   Your grief is your own. 
5. You can create a meaningful life while grieving.  Grieving someone and moving forward with your life is not an either/or situation.  You can do both – often simultaneously.  I chose another career path after I lost my husband to cancer.  Working with cancer patients and their families is the most fulfilling career I have ever had.  I would have never considered working for Cancer Patient Services before I lost my husband.  Working at Cancer Patient Services is an integral part of my grief journey.

Grief is hard.  Grief is messy. Grief makes people uncomfortable.  However, you can move forward with your grief.  You can find meaning after the loss of a loved one. You can rediscover joy in your life.

#grief #griefishard #griefjourney #cancer #complicatedgrief #cps #rediscoveringjoy 

​More information on grief:
https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/myth-grief-timeline/
https://www.cancer.org/treatment/end-of-life-care/grief-and-loss/depression-and-complicated-grief.html

I love being a mom. It is the most demanding job in the world. I have three boys; three growing boys that eat constantly. But it is the most amazing thing, being a parent and I love every minute of it. 

As parents we do everything we can for our children. We try to teach them (when they’ll listen) and try to show them what our parents taught us. We kiss their boo boos because we make them feel safe. A lot of parenting has to do with making them feel safe, comfortable and warm. When my baby was 2, he was diagnosed with Cancer and I felt like I had failed him as a mother because I had failed to keep him safe. 

I was lost. Up until then, whenever I was unsure what to do, I would turn to my husband because he is my rock. This time, he was lost too. He didn’t know what to do either. I mean, what do you do when your baby has cancer?

I remember the first time my husband and I went to Cancer Patient Services. We met Joanne and she took us back into this little room that was filled with wigs. There were wigs of all different shapes, sizes, colors, styles, and lengths. 

What sticks with me was that she had this very compassionate and reassuring smile. We went to fill out paperwork, but it wasn’t like buying a house where you sign so much that your hand goes numb. It was more of a social visit (with a little bit of papers on the side). It was more like meeting a friends, with a signature. 

She listened; we told her about Wesley, Robbie, Keithie, and ourselves. We talked about the diagnosis, but we also just talked about life in general. She gave us pamphlets that outlined, all these different services and supports that they offer. And she asked us, "How can we help?"

Cancer Patient Services defined our cancer journey. They were our beacon when we were lost. 

There are a lot of non-profit organizations out there. I don’t want to down play any of them because I think whenever anyone stands up to try and help another human being that’s going through a rough time, it’s worth celebrating. 

Still, I can say that the difference with Cancer Patient Services is that you know when you walk through their doors, that they care. You feel love, compassion, and encouragement. You feel a little bit stronger when you walk into Cancer Patient Services. At a time in your life when you need every ounce of strength that you have; they help you to feel stronger. 

You are not just paperwork. You are a friend (with a little paperwork on the side).  

Wesley was two when he was diagnosed. He was considered “High Risk.” His treatment lasted 3 and a half years. 

For 3 and a half years we dragged our son back and forth to Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus. That’s a 2 hour drive from here; Cancer Patient Services provided the gas. 

For 3 and a half years, we dealt with fighting to get our baby to eat because the chemo hurt his stomach. Cancer Patient Services provided chocolate ensure (he likes chocolate). 

For 3 and a half years we tried to cope with the emotional strain of trying to raise our children and live our lives, while our baby was going through treatment. Cancer Patient Services provided emotional support. 

For 3 and a half years. Wesley was 2 when he was diagnosed, so 3 and a half years later (when he was 6), Wesley had been going through cancer treatment for the majority of his life. 

Cancer Patient Services was there the entire time. From the first time we walked into their office and met Joanne (and her reassuring smile), the entire 3 and a half years of treatment, and even today. Wesley has been cancer free for 4 years and we are still feel part of the Cancer Patient Services family. 

When you donate to Cancer Patient Services you are giving hope to your neighbors, your friends and family within our community.  Carol Metzger, Joanne Reinhart and the entire CPS staff expertly help local families navigate through the toughest fight of their lives. However, they cannot do it alone.  Just as families like mine rely on Cancer Patient Services, CPS relies on donations.  Now is your opportunity to directly impact a very worthy local charity, and the lives of those around you who are struggling and need the help that this wonderful organization provides.

I would like to close by quoting one of the most intelligent people I know, my son Wesley. I asked him if there is anything I should tell you and he said, “The people that work there are nice and they have good priorities.” 

Written by: Guest Blogger Kristina Rodman

I am writing this blog post from home today.  I generally need a quiet environment to write.  It helps me to flesh out what I want to put into written word.  But honestly, that is not why I am at home today. I am home because I just can’t “people” right now.  I am an extrovert. I love to be around people, love making connections, love the energy of groups.  But there are times, when people are too much.  The energy isn’t good energy.  People are unkind, inconsiderate, and sometimes just generally suck.  When I have too many of those encounters back to back, I know the joy is being sucked from my soul.  
 
And that is what happened this week, I was getting frustrated and angry with people.  And I try really hard not to react to people that way.  But it happened this week, with my son, my co-workers and probably the general public. I was really having an awful day. And when I feel like that I want nothing more than to talk to my Mom.  After 51 years, there are still those times that you need the comfort of the conversation with your Mom.  But I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in 2012, so I can’t make any of those phone calls to her.  But I do have the memories of her and our conversations.
 
So, between my tears and anger, I remembered the children’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  Judith Viorst wrote the book and Ray Cruz illustrated it in 1972.  If you have never read it, you must.  If you don’t have your own personal copy, you need to get one.  And get the hard copy, I think those are more special.  My Mom was the one that introduced me to the book.  I don’t really remember when, but we talked most about it as adults.
 
In fact, on those really rotten days, whether it was her or I who was having one, there would be a phone call that started with I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And we each knew exactly how the other was feeling that day.  And most times, by the end of the conversation, the world seemed a little less awful.
 
I don’t want to spoil the book for you if you haven’t read it, so if you don’t have a copy, here is a YouTube link to the reading of the book with illustrations, it is only 7 minutes. https://youtu.be/pTesxhlqr1k.  Watch it now, I will pause my story until you have watched.
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Yeah Alexander had a really crappy day.  We all can relate to a grown-up version to a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I think the last line of the book is the reason my Mom and I loved it so much.
 
"It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia."
 
Mom wisdoms.  Nothing better to bring things back into perspective. And Alexander’s Mom did just that. In her response to Alexander she said, "some days are like that."  She is totally right.  Some DAYSare like that.  She didn’t say some weeks, some months, some years or even some lifetimes.  Just some DAYS.
 
I believe this can be true for cancer patients and their loved ones.  Some days do suck – no way to sugar coat it.  They just suck.  But there can be better days ahead.  Days where we can experience joy, days where you awaken to beautiful sunny blue skies, days filled with good times with loved ones, days where you can experience the beauty of nature.  The kind of days that you wish won’t end.
 
I often get asked, "what does Cancer Patient Services do?"  And my answer can be long because we offer so many different types of support, financial assistance,medical supplies and equipment, individual counseling support services, patient navigationand many healing arts services and programs.  But I can also give a very short answer. We help people rediscover joy. That answer is one that usually generates some puzzled looks from the person asking the question. CPS can be like Alexander’s mom to cancer patients and their family members.  Cancer definitely creates terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. There is no arguing that.  But like Alexander’s mom, CPS can help you to get through those days.  We help our clients to get through their bad days to their better days – days filled with joy.
 
At CPS we want more than just to help people on their bad days, we want them to have the opportunity to experience good days as well.  We do that by lending a client a wheelchair so that can attend their granddaughter’s wedding.  It happens when we have two clients who would have never crossed paths, now developing a supportive relationship because they met through a Healing Arts class.  Or even when a family member returns to visit us with a plate of cookies. Just to say "thank you" for all the support we provided after their loved one passed.
 
We can’t stop the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.  At CPS, we acknowledge those days occur, but also that it is just a DAY.  And it is possible to rediscover joy.
 
Maybe someone should write the sequel to Alexander’s story.
 
Alexander and the beautiful, delightful, positively marvelous, very good day!
 
Carol
Self-proclaimed Joy Warrior
 
P.S.  As I finish up this blog, I think I am ready to “people” again.  I think I just needed a reminder from Mom that some days are like that!

Widow, Surviving Spouse, Only Parent. I have a weird relationship with all these labels.  While each one is a descriptor that I fit, none of them really fully embody who I am.  And it isn’t like they are clothes I have outgrown.  You never stop being a widow. I think that is true even if you remarry.  Part of me will always be a widow.

Surviving Spouse is a label you get from the Social Security Administration.  This label sounds like an award.  But to those of us who wear it, we would rather have our spouse back than receive a monthly check.  No amount of monetary support replaces the loss of a future together.

Only Parent.  That is a label I ran across recently.  My guess it was created to distinguish Widows/Widowers raising children.  I will admit that this label is one I have used.  While divorce is difficult on children and there are many contentious parent/child relationships, losing a parent to death is different.  Parenting as an only parent is different.  While there are times it seems easier, because I don’t have to consult with anyone on my parenting decisions.  The flip side is probably more difficult.  I have no one to consult with; my decisions on how to raise my son are mine alone.  So I bear the worry alone, wondering if I am doing a good job.  Wondering how badly I might be messing him up.

In November of this year, it will be 10 years since I lost my husband Farell to cancer.  This anniversary is significant to me because this year Farell will have been gone longer than the 9 years we were married.  My life without him is now longer than my marriage to him.  I was a widow at 40.  So at some point I knew that my time without Farell would grow longer than my time with him.

I was watching a show recently and two widows were speaking to each other, one very young and one much older.  The older widow said something that really resonated with me.  She said as a widow you are in a long term relationship with grief. I do feel that way.  Being a widow, a surviving spouse, an only parent will also be a part of who I am.  But they aren’t the only parts.  I know it is possible to find joy again.

Recently, CPS started a group for widows and widowers.  They are coming up with their own name because like me, they aren’t really fond of that label.  What excites me most about this group is that it isn’t your traditional support group.  We have a facilitator.  She is a widow herself, so she does understand the grief of losing a spouse.  But this group is different in that it is a place for widows and widowers to come together, get together for coffee or dinner or maybe see a movie together.  It is a safe environment to start making a new life for themselves, but never forgetting their old life.  Grief is a complicated thing and is best understood by those who have experienced it.  I am excited for this group to begin to experience joy in their lives.  Everyone deserves to regain joy.

If you would like more information on this group, please contact our office at 419-423-0286 and ask for our Patient Guide, Joanne Reinhart. 

Wishing you all a joyful week! – Carol

​
Dear Friends of CPS –

​Happy August!  I hope you have been able to experience joy this summer. 

​The idea of joy has become a bit of an obsession with me.  (Just ask my staff and board members.  I even have it written on the wall above my desk!)  I have been talking a lot about how Cancer Patient Services can help our clients and families restore joy after a cancer diagnosis.  I will admit joy is not something you would normally associate with a cancer.  Cancer is scary and messy.  We know that.  But our goal here at CPS is to help cancer patients and families navigate their cancer journey, reduce stress, and give them opportunities to restore some joy.  It is indeed a pretty lofty goal.  But I believe that every person deserves to experience joy in their lives. 

I like this quote by Henry Nouwen: 

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”
I think the reason I like this quote so much is because it suggests making joy a choice.  We can choose to find joy, to see joy, to be joyful.  But that is hard when you are faced with a life changing diagnosis of cancer.  The programs and services offered by Cancer Patient Services makes it a little easier for your friends and family diagnosed with cancer to find a little joy.

August is a joyful month for Cancer Patient Services.  We are celebrating our 71st anniversary.  Seventy-one years of providing comfort and support to local cancer patients.  As an independent nonprofit, we cannot provide our services without support from wonderful people like you!  As friends of CPS, we want to include you in our celebration.

Anniversaries are joyful occasions usually filled with celebrations and sweet treats.  We have some fun surprises coming up in the next month, culminating with a special birthday event on August 31st.  Keep track of our fun on Facebook and in your inbox.  You don’t want to miss out!

​In the meantime, I challenge you to find a little joy in your daily journey. Enjoy some ice cream. Enjoy a day at the beach.  Spit some watermelon seeds! I would love to see pictures of you finding joy this summer, so please share them with me!

Joyfully yours,
Carol 

Baseball Parents are the Best!
 
“When Life throws you a curve ball, grab a bat and swing.”
 
“Life will always throw you curve balls, just keep fouling them off.  The right pitch will come, and when it does, be prepared to run the bases.”
 
“Swing for the fences.”
 
“Every strike brings me closer to the next homerun.” – Babe Ruth
 
“Live life like a 3-1 count.”
 
Baseball has some of the most awesome quotes.
 
I am a baseball mom.  My son just finished his sophomore year in high school, but he has been a player since his t-ball days at the local YMCA, which means he has played the game for about 10 years.   I have spent countless hours in baseball fields all over the county.  I have sat outside in freezing cold rain and sweltering heat.  And that was just as a spectator.  My son has stood on the field in those same extremes, yet, I love it.  I understand why baseball is so dear to Americans. 
 
As my son’s season is ending, I started thinking about how cancer and baseball had some similarities.  Cancer is like a curve ball in life.  We swing for the fences to find a cure.  Each and every patient picks up a bat to hit cancer out of the park.  But just like baseball, cancer is unpredictable and challenging.  And when you step up to the plate, it’s you alone against that baseball. 
 
Cancer is a curve ball to newly diagnosed patients.   It makes them feel scared and sometimes alone.  That their whole world has been turned upside down. 
 
We at Cancer Patient Services understand that cancer is scary and often messy.  Our goal is to be able to support each cancer patient and their family through their journey.  We may have provided you with financial assistance or medical supplies and equipment.  Or perhaps it was counseling services or some of our healing arts therapies.  Or maybe Joanne, our Patient Guide helped sort out your medical bills or aided in signing you up for benefits.  We hope that these services enabled you to take some of the fear out of your cancer journey.
 
At Cancer Patient Services, we see cancer support as a team sport. We don’t want cancer patients facing that curve ball of cancer alone.  Without all the players on the team working towards the same goal, we can’t win this battle against cancer.  Each month we meet approximately 16 new families who feel scared and alone.  16 new families come to us each month looking for the support of a team.   Would you consider joining our Cancer Support team by making a monthly commitment to help those 16 new cancer patients? Cancer Patient Services can offer our programs and services free of charge because of our generous community supporters.  Would you consider joining the team of supporters? And help us knock cancer out of the park?
 
First Base
A monthly donation of $10/month or $120/year provides a newly diagnosed cancer patient with 3 cases of nutritional supplements like Boost or Ensure.
 
Second Base
A monthly donation of $15/month or of $180/year provides a newly diagnosed cancer patient with a month’s worth of mileage reimbursement.
 
Third Base
A monthly donation of $20/month or $240/year provides 3 sessions with a licensed mental health professional.
 
Home Run
A monthly donation of $50/month or $600/year provides 20 hours of patient navigation services for clients.
 
Maya Angelou might have summed it up best when she said, “I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands.  You need to be able to throw something back.”
 
Please consider helping your cancer “teammates” through their battle with a monthly donation.
Thank you for supporting this campaign.

It’s something that we hopefully don’t have to think about too much. Something that we don’t have a whole lot of experience with, so we don’t know exactly what to do when it happens. So, what should you do when one of your friends is diagnosed with cancer? Frankly, it’s hard to generalize this question, because all of our friends are different; however, there are certain things that are failproof, and that will allow for both you and your friend to be as comfortable as possible when dealing with a recent diagnosis. What follows are some ideas for showing support that may help:

• Before visiting, giving advice, and asking questions, ask if it is welcome. Be sure to make it clear that saying no is perfectly okay.
• Don’t be afraid to make plans for the future. Make flexible plans that are easy to change in case something comes up or your friend needs to cancel or reschedule. This gives your friend something to look forward to, especially with the sometimes long and drawn out cancer treatment.
• Talk about topics other than cancer. Laugh and be jovial. If the topic comes around, though, let it. And also allow for sadness. Do not ignore uncomfortable topics or feelings.
• Offer to help. This is huge. Many people find it hard to ask for help, however, your friend will likely appreciate the offer. You can offer to help with specific tasks, such as taking care of children, taking care of a pet, or preparing a meal. Remember, if your friend declines an offer, don’t take it personally.
• Treat them the same. Try not to let your friend’s condition get in the way of your friendship. As much as possible, treat him or her the same way you always have.

Above all, remember that friendship does make a difference.

Continuing friendships and regular activities after a cancer diagnosis is a great way to further the healing process. Don’t forget that friends also need encouragement and support after cancer treatment has finished. After treatment, your friend will be trying to find his or her "new normal" in this next phase of life. Friendships are an important part of that. With these practical suggestions in mind, your friendship can make a lasting difference to a person living with cancer.

I think the beauty of twinkle lights is a perfect metaphor for joy.

​Joy is not a constant.  It comes to us in moments – often ordinary moments.  Sometimes we miss out on the bursts of joy because we’re too busy chasing down the extraordinary moments.  Other times we’re so afraid of the dark that we don’t dare let ourselves enjoy the light. A joyful life is not a floodlight of joy.  That would eventually become unbearable. I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, and inspiration.

– Brene Brown

I am admittedly a Brene Brown fan and have read several of her books.  I especially like this quote and have it hanging on the wall over my computer.  And I have found myself thinking about her words this holiday season and how it applies to the work we do here at Cancer Patient Services.

For several years now I have spoken to the staff and board about helping our clients and caregivers regain joy in their lives.  Hearing the words “you have cancer” is one of the quickest ways of sucking joy out of our life’s vision.  Even with all the medical advances and the deaths from cancer declining, getting a cancer diagnosis is one of the most frightening events that can happen to a family.  So talking about joy and cancer patients could sound a bit absurd.  And honestly, anyone that knows me well knows that I can be a bit absurd…

I agree, however, with Brene Brown when she mentions that “Joy is not a constant. It comes to us in moments – often ordinary moments.” I truly believe joy is a central to our mission at CPS.  We don’t expect cancer patients to be constantly or continually joyful, but our goal is to have cancer patients and their families experience moments of joy.  So if we can take away the burden of dealing with health insurance paperwork or provide much needed nutrition in the form of Ensure or Boost, then hopefully our clients can have the opportunity to enjoy a joyful moment. 

So as we move through this holiday season, I would like to wish all of you the opportunity to experience “Bursts of Joy” with those around you.

Life is not a race; find joy in the journey.

​-Carol

Let’s face it. There are a LOT of things on your mind after you’re diagnosed with cancer. Your “normal,” everyday life immediately gets compounded by a whole new set of concerns, and it’s often hard to stay clear-minded for specific things like appointments with doctors. Well, never fear. We’ve collected some helpful and quick hints to keep by your side as a guide. Before your appointment
​
​Write down:

• Any and all questions that you think of for your doctor—they’re ALL important!
• Any symptoms you're experiencing, even those that may seem unrelated to the reason for which you scheduled the appointment.
• Key personal information, including any major stresses or recent life changes.
• Your family history of cancer. Do you have any family members who have had cancer? Jot down what relation they are to you, the type of cancer, the age at diagnosis and whether he or she survived.

Take with you:

• A list of all medications, vitamins or supplements that you're taking.
• All of your records that relate to your cancer diagnosis and treatment. Organize your records in a binder or folder that you can easily take to your appointments. Side note: You’ll likely spend a lot of time with this folder, so consider decorating it with positive affirmations or memories of your journey.
• A family member or friend! Sometimes it can be difficult to absorb all the information provided during an appointment. Someone who accompanies you may remember something that you missed or forgot, and who doesn’t want to hang out with their friends?

#cpsbeatcancer #helpfuladvice #wecandoittogether
Need more info? Contact us: http://www.cancerpatientservices.org/contact-us.html

If you are from my generation, you may remember listening to the radio waiting for your favorite song to come on just so you could hit that button on your cassette tape to record. And then, you could play it back later. Yes I know it was illegal, but how great was that feeling?! The best gifts you could receive from your friends and your significant other was nothing more than a homemade mix tape. Waiting to catch that song on the radio, or making a mix tape was a process that took time. So why did we do it? Because we loved the music! We liked the way specific songs made us feel (happy or sad).

Music means something to us. It validates our emotions. It touches us in a way nothing else can.

This is the very reason why you should try Music Therapy. Research has shown that music is good for cancer patients. Music (and many forms of art) reduces stress, helps alleviate pain, and greatly decreases heart rate. {For the research statistics, click this link} Music just flat-out-makes-us-feel-good.

If you think about it, music is included in many of the important events in our lives (i.e. weddings, birthday parties, holidays, and even funerals). Music often says what the spoken word cannot and it provides an escape from tough moments.

To participate in Music Therapy, there is no requirement to play an instrument. Actually, Music Therapy requires no musical talent at all! All you need to do is bring yourself and be open to trying a variety of instruments and props that allow you to express yourself in a group. There isn't a performance element; music therapy is about self expression and release from stress.

We promise this will be much easier than making an "old school" mix tape. And, you don't have to figure out where you'll store another memento in the backseat of your car. 

   Life is busy. We are all crazy busy. Add a cancer diagnosis and not only does it turn your world upside down, but your to-do list seems to implode...
- Treatments
- Scans
- Blood tests
- Doctor’s visits

We are constantly on the go, running from one thing to the next. That is until we are just too tired to run anymore. The cancer, the treatments, and even the care-giving wear us down. We become exhausted, adding all of these new activities to our already busy life. So we have to learn how to slow down.

I believe we can find joy in most situations. Sometimes it is burried, but if we look closely, the gift of joy is there.

Anyone that knows me, knows my love for Lake Erie. I love the beach, the water, and the sound of the waves. We have a 1960 mobile home on the coast of Lake Erie. We bought it when my husband was still alive. It was a few years after his cancer diagnosis and while I was pregnant with our son.

During all of the crazy times I had balancing his diagnosis and treatments, my busy full-time job, and a young son, the lake became my happy place. We went up every weekend during the summer. For a few days each month, I could sit down and read a book while I played with Luke and allowed myself to relax.

Opening the door to our trailer soothes my soul. The smell of the water and the sounds of the lake make me happy.

Do you have something that soothes your soul? You should. Maybe yours is a long drive, or some time with a book. Maybe it is cooking a meal, or just taking a nap. There is no magic formula or specific activity or a particular geographical location that is one-size-fits-most for what helps you relax and be you, for a moment. The place or activity that soothes your soul is more than likely that “thing” that slows down your breathing, quiets your mind, and gives you a smile.

I have found that taking a moment to reflect on what you're going through and telling yourself that you are doing your best can help ease the ebb and flow of anxiety. And usually, the place or activity that soothes your soul gives you the best opportunity to reduce overall anxiety. Practicing mindfulness and meditation in the place that soothes your soul can work magic on your stress levels. Here's an online self-compassion resource I have found that can provide the building-blocks for managing overwhelming anxiety.

I also enjoyed this quick reference on 7-Ways-to-Soothe-Your-Soul-and-Refresh-Your-Spirit.

So don’t stress about your need to slow down- see it as a gift. Find your literal "happy-place" and allow that to help soothe your soul. And, do it now.

​There is beauty all around us when we slow down and take time to soak it all in.

​I have never had cancer, but I have been a caregiver for a cancer patient.  My husband’s cancer battle lasted 8 years.  And, there was a time that I felt I couldn’t do it anymore...  I couldn’t be the caregiver.  I didn’t have enough time, energy or emotional strength left.  The reality is that no one is ever really prepared to be a caregiver.  You are just thrown into it.  We do the best we can. 

One of the hardest things to do is ask for help.  It is hard to admit that we can’t do it anymore, that we are overwhelmed, exhausted and afraid of letting our loved one down.  Asking for help is making ourselves vulnerable, and who the heck wants to do that? 

But you opened this blog to read this topic, so either you are a caregiver or you know someone who is struggling with their caregiver role.  So let me share some insights about caregiving that could help you or someone you know with their role as caregiver.

• Caregiving is one of the toughest jobs you will ever have.

Caregiving may be your second or third full-time job on top of already working outside or inside of the home and caring for your family.  Your role of caregiver has been added on top of all of your other responsibilities.  Most likely you have no formal training for the role of caregiver.  You have been quickly immersed in a whole new world, complete with a new language (i.e. medical terms).  Odds are, you are not a trained wound care nurse, incontinence expert, or licensed mental health professional.  But those professionals are there for you to reach out to, as well.  Medical professionals associated with the care of your loved one are more than happy to explain or show you how to do something.  Just ask them.

• You need to make difficult decisions on sensitive, emotionally charged issues

You may now have to take over decisions about financial issues as it affects your loved one and your family.  A cancer diagnosis is not cheap.  How will you pay for the medical bills?  How will you cover the lost wages if the cancer patient can no longer work or has to miss work because of all of the medical appointments and treatments.  You are probably the person your loved one turns to in order to make decisions regarding their cancer treatment.  Where should you go for treatment? Should you have the surgery?  Should you do both chemo and radiation? 

• Caregiving isn’t parenting.

More than likely, you are providing care for an adult loved one; spouse, parent or grandparent.  These are individuals in your life that you have related to on an adult level.  But, because of their type of cancer or the side effects of treatment, your loved one cannot care for themselves as they had in the past and may now need assistance.  Your support and assistance must be done with dignity and respect.  Cancer patients often get frustrated that they have to ask for help and often resist it (there is a whole other blog post on this issue). Ask first what kind of help they need and then also ask them HOW you can best help them.

• Caregiving can be uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing for the patient and the caregiver

As mentioned above, caregiving isn’t parenting.  But in caregiving you may have to help your mother or father bathe or help grandma or grandpa with bathroom or incontinence issues.  These are uncomfortable situations for both parties involved.  Surgeries and treatments often involve loss of privacy as well; surgery incisions or wounds need to be dressed or cleaned.  Many times these are in private, personal parts of their bodies.  Again, the most loving method is to treat the cancer patient with dignity and respect.  Ask them how they would like to have you help them.  Let them direct you.

• Caregiver burnout is a REAL thing

Caregiving is physically, mentally and emotionally draining.  It is stressful to add caregiving duties to an already busy schedule.  That combination is a perfect storm for caregiver burnout.  What is caregiver burnout? 
          The symptoms of caregiver burnout are similar to the symptoms of stress and depression. They include:
·       Withdrawal from friends and family
·       Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
·       Feeling blue, irritable, hopeless, and helpless
·       Changes in appetite, weight, or both
·       Changes in sleep patterns
·       Getting sick more often
·       Feelings of wanting to hurt yourself or the person for whom you are caring
·       Emotional and physical exhaustion
·       Excessive use of alcohol and/or sleep medications
·       Irritability
(Taken from WedMd; http://www.webmd.com/women/caregiver-recognizing-burnout#1)
     If you recognize these signs in yourself or another caregiver in your life, take some steps to prevent or reduce burnout.
Here are several options:

1. Talk to another family member or close friend you can trust.  Ask them for support and/or help.  Seek out respite care from family, friends or local organizations.
2. Take care of yourself.  It is all things we have heard a million times; eat a balanced diet, get a good night’s sleep, exercise, and limit alcohol intake.  While doing all these things when you aren’t a caregiver seems impossible, focusing on one or two areas can have an impact in reducing burnout.
3. If you notice that you seem to feel your burnout increasing, contact a professional.  Cancer Patient Services offers individual sessions with Licensed Mental Health Professionals to not only our clients, but their caregivers and family members.  We realize that a cancer diagnosis impacts the whole family and offer support to everyone affected.

Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself.  I can speak from experience in this category.  No one expects you to be Superman or Superwoman.  Ask for help if you need it.  It isn’t a sign of failure.  In fact, it is a gift to those loved ones around you that care and want to help out.

Cancer Patient Services has been offering individual emotional support to cancer patients and their families since 2012.  Surprisingly, it is not utilized as much as we thought it would be.  And, not surprisingly, our Clients, their family and their caregivers who have utilized this service give us fantastic reviews!  They have told us that they have benefited from the service.

So, why aren’t that many people using this service?  

Well, I thought back to my own personal experience with counseling.  How did I finally make the decision to seek counseling after my husband’s cancer diagnosis? I didn’t really go willingly...  It definitely wasn’t my idea.  And, I actually fought it for several years.

I had spoken to my family doctor about the stress and anxiety I was experiencing because of my husband’s cancer diagnosis and his subsequent treatments.  I was prescribed an antidepressant.  And, that did seem to help some.  But it didn’t “fix” everything.  While it would be great to pop a pill and have all our anxiety, depression and stress just vanish, prescription medication cannot do that. 

My mom asked me several times about seeing a counselor.  I had lots of reasons for not making an appointment: no time, no money, not sure they could help.  I was busy working a full-time job, taking care of a toddler and a husband whose cancer had, at this point in time, confined him to a wheelchair.  Not only was my plate full, I think I was carrying around the whole kitchen table. 

So, how did I finally decide to make that call to a counselor?  The owner of the company I worked for at the time had lost his wife to cancer several years before.  He told me to call and said he was going to check back with me to make sure that I did.  Now, many people would say that he overstepped his boundaries with me?  But, the reality is that accountability actually saved me. 
I called a counseling service I found in the phone book because I liked the name (definitely not a recommended method) and left a message.  Part of me hoped I wouldn’t get a call back and I could report back that "I tried".  But, that is not what happened.  I received a return phone call and set up an appointment.  That call turned into a 4-year relationship with a wonderful counselor.  I saw her regularly for 3 and ½ years before my husband died and another 6 months after his death. 

After fighting the idea of a counselor for several years, I came to really enjoy my sessions and actually looked forward to them.  It became a time to take care of me.  I was able to talk about issues that I couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about with my husband.  As a caregiver, your role is to care and support your loved one.  But as a person shouldering all that responsibility and stress, you don’t have a lot of opportunity to talk about your needs, concerns and issues.  Those sessions with my counselor gave me that opportunity.

I know that time in counseling helped with my own grief, and also the grief of my young son.
​I believe it also helped to prepare me for my current role of CEO at Cancer Patient Services.  Making that first step for me was hard.  But I know that it has positively impacted by ability to move forward after my husband’s death.

If you have questions on whether you might benefit from the services of a mental health professional, here is a link to a few good articles.
1. When to seek a Professional: Mental Health America 
2. 8 Signs you should see a counselor: Huffington Post

If you would like to talk to me personally about my experience, I am more than happy to share with you.  Please reach out to me via email cmetzger@cancerpatientservices.org, and we can make arrangements to talk in more detail.

Cancer Patient Services provides emotional support free of charge to all clients and their family members.  If you would like more information on this service, please contact us at 419.423.0286 or email us at support@cancerpatientservices.org
​

1.  Local charities understand the local community.
Local charities are staffed and run by local people who are in tune with what is happening in our community.  They are connected to their community and best understand local needs, along with how to meet those needs.

2. Local donations help your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers.
Donations stay within your own community and are utilized for local people.  While we know people suffer all over the world, local charities are there to provide physical, nutritional, emotional and financial assistance to those we may know in our immediate proximity. You can support the people you know and care about.

3. Giving local helps improve the quality of life of the individuals that live locally.
Giving locally helps build a stronger community.  By helping individuals in need in your own community, you are reducing hunger and homelessness, you are supporting those with cancer or mental illness, and you are assisting those struggling with substance abuse issues.  Supporting the lives of local individuals experiencing these stressors not only improves their quality of life, but your local support ultimately positively impacts your day-to-day life in our community.

4. You can see the impact of your donations.
Because your donations stay within your community, you are able to witness or hear the stories of the individuals you have been helped.  Those people are your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. 

5. Local giving is face to face.
Local charities are engaged in the community.  Local charities collaborate with other local charities to provide the greatest outcome from your donation.  Donating local goes to an organization that you can visit personally. There is no unreachable hierarchy. You can meet staff and see the good they do daily, first-hand.  You are able to put a face to that organization.  You are able to develop a personal relationship with the organization and their mission.

6. Local donations impact the local economy.
Supporting local charities that support local individuals positively impacts our local economy. Your dollars are not going to executives outside of our community. In addition, by trying to keep our friends, coworkers and neighbors from financial ruin during a cancer diagnosis, we are helping them remain in their homes, at their jobs and allowing them to care for their family. 

7. Local charities are PASSSIONATE about their cause and their local community.
Nonprofit leaders and staff personnel are passionate about their organization.  Very often they have a personal connection to their mission.  At Cancer Patient Services, we understand cancer. Our staff members have experienced it in our own families and close personal circles.  We care about those individuals in our community who have received a cancer diagnosis.  They are our family, friends, neighbors and co-workers, too. 

If you choose to give local: https://goo.gl/VJwhPb
#localhelpinglocal #givelocal #givingTuesday #strongcommunity #givewhereyoulive

 Because of the work that we do, our staff unfortunately experiences a lot of death.  Oftentimes, we have 2-3 clients per week pass away.  I have written more sympathy cards than I can count in my 5 ½ years with Cancer Patient Services...

I can't tell you how often I've heard the phrase, "I could never do your job".  As you may agree, witnessing death weekly can be too sad or too hard for some to deal with emotionally.

The hard truth is…it is hard to see clients die from cancer.  I get sad.  I get emotional.  Usually, I cry.  Clients are like family to us.  It is difficult to watch cancer ravage their bodies – steal their energy – and see our clients face their own mortality.

I struggle watching families deal with a cancer diagnosis.  It is heartbreaking to watch a young father leave behind a wife and two small boys.  It saddens me to see a wife married over 50 years struggle to live without her life-long partner.  It is hard for me to see grown children lose their mother, their person to go to in times of difficulty.

But actually, grief and sadness aren’t the feelings that overtake me.  I am grateful.  I am grateful that, in some very small ways, CPS is able to make their life a little better.  Grateful that we were able to share a smile or some laughter.  Grateful that I am allowed to come into their lives at a very difficult time.  Grateful that they trust us enough to be vulnerable and ask for help. 

We see people at their worst; shattered, afraid and often angry.  And let’s face it, they have earned the right to show all of those emotions. They got dealt a sh**tty hand of cards.  But, as the amazing Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture,  described  it “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” 

So, I am grateful that we get the opportunity to help clients and their families play the hand they have been dealt as very best they can.  I actually find joy in the process, and not surprisingly, they usually do, too.

If you would like to see The Last Lecture given by Randy Pausch and presented by TED, here is the link. If you would like a copy of the book, we have several here in our office.  We are happy to share them with you.

Please consider making a donation to help us stack the deck for our cancer patients and their families. #thelastlecture #randypausch #cpsbeatcancer

By Michael Lee Bucher
Cancer Patient Services has proven to be a constant in the [local] community for those of us who battle Cancer. They are continuously working diligently behind the scenes to provide us patients with kindness, love, care and understanding. I wish to thank all who contribute; they have helped make my life and the life of many others a bit more pain free with their many services [along with the] goods they provide.
 
I wish to expound upon a program they offer that has become a favorite of many of ours. That is, [their] "Healing Arts" [Program]. As I ponder on the aspect and nature of the program, it likens to me the "Universal" effects of healing powers. The magnificence and power of the universe can provide the energy to aid in healing when captured in creative ways. Healing Arts provides this in an array of activities. From massage, Rieki, Meditation, Painting (by Brush and Ink), Nutrition, Jewelry Making, Music, Horticulture and possibly [there will be] new surprises on the horizon... These programs in the arts have helped many of us to meet new people, learn new skills, allow us to drift into new media and explore new ideas creatively while sharing love and laughter. [I cannot express enough] appreciation to all those who dedicate their time for "us"; it is impossible to put into words. But, certainly a very big THANK YOU for sharing your gifts and talents to allow us to focus - if even for a while - on the power of the universe, the nature within it and learn to reach out into it, grab a hold and capture the gifts of the arts to help in the healing process.
 
Cancer Patient Services, their Healing Arts Program and those who dedicate their time and services to us through their trade have helped make time [with Cancer] much more enjoyable, valuable and fun. We have a blast, you should join us!
Once again, Thank You for all you do, for US!

We know we need to have end of life discussions, so why is it so hard to talk about wills, medical powers of attorney or anything else surrounding end of life planning?  Why is it so hard to talk to our spouses, parents or other loved ones regarding death?  

Really, end of life planning is just another form of insurance.  We buy health insurance, not because we want to get sick.  We pay for car insurance, not because we plan on getting into a car accident.  So, why don’t we want to “insure” our final wishes?

This is a difficult topic to discuss, but lack of planning could have significant effect on your loved ones.  So we are going to talk it!!

When is the best time to conduct end of life planning?  NOW. Not later, not in a few years, but NOW!! If you are over 18 years of age, your final wishes need to be documented.  Not just shared with family members, but recorded in a legal format. 

End of life planning is much more than wills.  There are other documents that can be just as important in ensuring your final wishes are followed.  I want to discuss just a few of them.
Medical Power of Attorney
This link is a sample Medical Power of Attorney. This legal document allows someone to make medical decisions on your behalf, if you are incapacitated.  They are the individual you have chosen to carry out your wishes on issues like artificial nutrition or hydration, Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) orders, comfort care or life sustaining treatments.  This form is for medical decisions only and does not impact any financial or personal assets.
Financial Power of Attorney
Review a Financial Power of Attorney, otherwise known as a Durable Power of Attorney.
This legal document allows you to appoint someone to take care of your financial affairs. This can include items such as: real estate, stocks, bonds or other financial investments, insurance or retirement funds, bank accounts, business accounts, and other financial related items.  The individual that you appoint as your Durable Power of Attorney does not have to be the same person you appoint as your Medical Power of Attorney.  They also do not necessarily have to be a relative.  But they do need to be someone that is able to carry out these duties.
Wills, Trusts and other Legacy Planning documents
Wills, Trusts and other Legacy Planning documents are all various ways to plan for the disbursement of all of your assets after you die.  There are numerous methods and formats individuals can use. There are many attorneys or financial planners that can help you determine the best structure for your individual situation.  You should select someone that has experience with end of life planning. 
 
Starttheconversation.org has wonderful resources to help you have end of life planning conversations with your loved ones.  Creating an end of life plan for yourself is the final gift you can give to your loved ones.

Do you have little ones? This book written by Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D. is a beautiful story about a leaf and it helps to put death into perspective. It's even a good reminder for us all....

It's Christmas in July!!!  What does that mean to you?  A mid-year sale at your favorite department store?   A chance to snag some deals on Christmas stuff off-season?

At Cancer Patient Services, we see Christmas a little differently in July.  While everyone is busy with Independence Day celebrations and vacation plans, we continue to serve and support newly diagnosed cancer patients and their families.  Unfortunately, cancer doesn’t take a break because it is time for the annual family vacation to the beach...  Our friends, neighbors, co-workers and family members are continuing to hear the terrible news…You have cancer.

So, it is especially this time of year that we like to remember the true meaning of Christmas: feelings of Hope, Peace, Love and Joy.  Positive feelings that make life worth living!  Here at CPS, we want to help our friends who have received a cancer diagnosis even during this sunny warm July.  We want local cancer patients to believe they can find joy, again.

So, we've collaborated locally with downtown Findlay, Ohio businesses who believe in us and our mission to serve local cancer patients. Many businesses along or off of our Main Street are offering a proceed back to Cancer Patient Services via item sales July 1 - 25. In addition, we've partnered with the Findlay-Hancock County Alliance in offering a Holiday Gift Scavenger Hunt through businesses who had signed up to offer Third Thursday specials. These are just two ways local community members can support their friends, family members, neighbors, and coworkers battling a cancer diagnosis and who are our clients.

I believe in supporting local. I believe in “giving gladly” this time of year and perhaps all year round…will you join me?

Learn more about Findlay, Ohio downtown businesses: visitfindlay.com/about/downtown/
Learn more about the Findlay-Hancock County Alliance: www.findlayhancockalliance.com/